My thoughts on love

Sunday, 29/11/15, 9.20 p.m.


          So i haven't been writing for quite a long time, busy life ey. Anddddd i have no idea about what i should write in here. So i was reading a novel, If I Stay, and there's this part when the author gave her own idea of falling in love and made me think about my own opinion about love.

          So lately, when my friends talked about marriage, i keep giving them responses like 'i'm not going to get married.' And no, i'm not saying this just because i don't have a boyfriend. Even by the thought of having a boyfriend scares me, i don't want my heart to be broken by anyone. Or maybe i'm just a little pessimistic, but i am not ready for any kinds of relationship. I am not ready for commitments, to be sharing my feelings with anyone. I do admire other people, like my heart flutters when i see them, but they only remain as a crush. I never consider admiration as a sign of love. Love is a very strong word. I am still struggling with the idea of loving myself, so how can i have the time to be loving someone else? Maybe the time is not right yet for me to be talking about relationships and stuff. It just doesn't feel right, for me. Marriage seems a little too complicated for me. I want to focus on what matters most, my future. I want to graduate, get a stable job and then to a point where I can support myself, even when I have nobody in this world, I can still depend on myself. But if that someone comes along the way, I'd be glad to accept him. It's just a bit too much for me to think about things like this right now.

         We are not the same. we understand things differently but that doesn't make us different from being humans. Maybe my acceptance on love is far behind others' but that doesn't mean that i'm against people who are in love, or people who craves to be loved. I mean, okay, maybe one day I'll really fall in love. That's cool. Maybe I'll eventually find myself a soulmate and we get married and have children. But now, my mind is too distracted to be feeling these kind of things.

But maybe, just maybe, if i were to have a connection with that special person, i'd probably fall for him like gravity has let go of the earth.