Reconnecting with the Quran

Thursday, 18/09/2025

I grew up not having the best relationship with the Quran. I was taught the Muqaddam when I was around 5-6 years old. I kinda knew the basic arabic alphabets, but didn't know how to 'read' it. The first teacher who taught me to read the Quran technically didn't teach me how to read it, it was more to memorising. I remember memorising a few Quranic verses, but then I stopped memorising and now I can't remember most of it, only the short ones that I still read in my salah.

Then I actually joined classes when I was 10, read it until I was 12. Was not the best reader but I kinda knew how to read by that time. And then when I started high school, I was kinda distant with Quran. Nobody really told me to read it, I mean yeah I read Yassin once in a while, but I never actually finished the whole book. I still stutter when I read. 

Recently my husband insists that I should start reading the Quran again. It might be better for our baby. And I did. We started with surah Al-Mulk. When my husband asks me to recite the Al-Fatiha first, that's when my throat suddenly dried up. It felt like I was choking. I was so nervous because I haven't touched the Holy Book for the longest time. I cried at the first bismillah. And then we got started on the Al-Mulk. It took us almost 40 minutes to finish the whole surah, because I took time crying my eyes out. I wasn't really sure why I was so sad. But I was. Maybe because nobody really encouraged me to read the Quran, nor had the patience to wait for me when I stutter while I read. 

The sad feeling was the same feeling that I experienced when me and my husband first prayed together. It's something only my heart understands that my brain can't comprehend. My husband followed my reading pace, and I felt his love for me when he did that. He definitely can read a whole lot faster. But he waited patiently. He told me, we'll keep reading until I don't stutter anymore. If that's not love, I don't know what is. 

I'm having a baby!

26/08/2025, 4.18 pm

Today marks my 24th week of pregnancy. Pregnancy has been...interesting so far. We found out exactly 9 days after the day that I was supposed to get my period. We both cried (lol), mostly because we were afraid of the future, whether we'll be able to become good parents, whether we'll be able to provide for our baby comfortably. But despite all of our fears, we were so so happy. 

The first 8 weeks was okay, almost zero pregnancy sickness. However, all hell breaks loose on 9th week lol. I even threw up in the car on my way to work. Habis kena baju, tudung, pintu kereta and all. I can't even turn on the radio or else I'll barf. After the first barf incident I straight away bought a bin just for me to throw up in the car. The pregnancy sickness kind of(?) starting to go away at week 20, but I'll still occasionally throw up whenever I eat something 'berangin' like some Malays call it, anything spicy, anything oily and the list goes on and on and on... And don't get me started on the heartburns that I get everyday. We've spent hundreds on antacids alone! But I didn't mind all that. All I really want is a healthy and happy baby 😊 

We found out our baby's gender, and it's a boy! I found out during my monthly detailed scan at 16 weeks -- My baby needs frequent detailed scan because of my SLE, my antibodies could cross the placenta, interfering with the heart's system, inflammation etc and affect my baby's heart. However, during last week's detailed scan, the specialist was able to find all 4 chambers of my baby's heart, and reassured me that it's highly unlikely that my baby will develop any heart block at this point onwards. Alhamdulillah!

However, not so good news, I was told that my baby is smaller than his actual age. It actually scared me and I'm still hoping that my baby will grow healthily physically and mentally, aamiin. We'll see my baby's progress in another 3 weeks.

I wasn't intending on writing a blog post on this but I was studying on how to store EBM...and suddenly I'm writing here haha. I'm so happy now Ya Allah, I can't believe I've come this far. 

Can't wait to meet you and see you grow my little one 💓



Happy

 07/01/2025, 1.15p.m 

Hello there.

    It's been 4 years since my last post. A lot has changed. By a lot, I mean A LOT. I'm someone's wife now. I'm scared to show the world how happy I am, but I am the happiest I have ever been. Kinda funny how  my last post was about how worried I was on not having a soulmate because I have a chronic disease. But indeed, God is the greatest. I was gifted with a man that accepted me for who I am. 

    We got engaged after almost 2 years of knowing each other on 17/02/2024. How did we met? Yang tahu je tahu 🙈 It was a bit hectic preparing for the engagement because the decision was made last minute but we were able to make it happen. 

    Nine months after, I got married to the love of my life on 02/11/2024. I planned the whole wedding myself, phew. The way I was mentally scarred... I don't want to elaborate on that yet because the whole process kind of traumatized me but thankfully I had Luqman and he was so supportive throughout the whole process. Might make a separate post about the whole thing but we'll see...

    My husband, Luqman, is the kindest, sweetest soul. He doesn't raise his voice when he's angry, he takes care of me, makes me feel safe, the safest I've ever felt since I was little. I finally have someone I can rely on to now. Words can't even make up how grateful I am to have known & loved him. 

I am just happy.