I grew up not having the best relationship with the Quran. I was taught the Muqaddam when I was around 5-6 years old. I kinda knew the basic arabic alphabets, but didn't know how to 'read' it. The first teacher who taught me to read the Quran technically didn't teach me how to read it, it was more to memorising. I remember memorising a few Quranic verses, but then I stopped memorising and now I can't remember most of it, only the short ones that I still read in my salah.
Then I actually joined classes when I was 10, read it until I was 12. Was not the best reader but I kinda knew how to read by that time. And then when I started high school, I was kinda distant with Quran. Nobody really told me to read it, I mean yeah I read Yassin once in a while, but I never actually finished the whole book. I still stutter when I read.
Recently my husband insists that I should start reading the Quran again. It might be better for our baby. And I did. We started with surah Al-Mulk. When my husband asks me to recite the Al-Fatiha first, that's when my throat suddenly dried up. It felt like I was choking. I was so nervous because I haven't touched the Holy Book for the longest time. I cried at the first bismillah. And then we got started on the Al-Mulk. It took us almost 40 minutes to finish the whole surah, because I took time crying my eyes out. I wasn't really sure why I was so sad. But I was. Maybe because nobody really encouraged me to read the Quran, nor had the patience to wait for me when I stutter while I read.
The sad feeling was the same feeling that I experienced when me and my husband first prayed together. It's something only my heart understands that my brain can't comprehend. My husband followed my reading pace, and I felt his love for me when he did that. He definitely can read a whole lot faster. But he waited patiently. He told me, we'll keep reading until I don't stutter anymore. If that's not love, I don't know what is.
