Helloooo, first blog update of the year. Today is my mum's birthday. I bought her a piece of cake yesterday, it was Oreo cheesecake. I was too broke and the piece that I bought was using my last note. I made her a chocolate cake today, using a recipe from Youtube but it turned out to be too freakin sweet. Oh, and finals sucked. Pretty sure I flunked my Equity and Trusts paper. I hope I won't fail the paper...
Anywayyy, the topic today is on life's way of getting back at us. Or at least me. I'm really THAT unlucky lol. So, like, I've been noticing like life is really that bitch. She will always get in my way whenever I'm confident that I'm gonna pave my way through. I was crossing my fingers that 2019 was going to be my year, and on the first day of 2019, I sprained my ankle and couldn't walk properly for 2 fucking weeks. I don't really ask much but life's really out here fucking me up left and right. Now I just finished watching The Blind Side and it was good. Made me tear up a little bit and all that I can say is Michael went through a lot of shit, and he was lucky that someone came to save him. But who's gonna save me? I know it's unhealthy to be crying for help and expecting people to come and save you as if they owe you something but you know, it would be nice to know that someone has your back if things get fucked up and assures you that it's okay, you're gonna be fine.
I'm gonna keep holding on for now because of my parents. I know they'll be sad if I'm gone and I still have to take care of my sister. At least they're my reasons of holding on right now. I don't know my purpose here. Also, I noticed that I judge people a lot. I like to analize people's attitude. I keep mental receipts and I'm always cynical internally. I'm still nice to everyone around me but part of me feels like I'm a hypocrite for pretending that I care, because I know most of them are full of shit. I pick fights with people whenever I feel like they're crossing the line. And the line is very thin because this sis gets ticked off very easily. I hate being petty but I hate to let people do whatever they want just because I seemed like the cool friend/cousin/niece because I rarely respond to shit. But whenever I do, they get surprised. But at some point, life will always have a way in showing that I am wrong. Sometimes guilt eats me alive. I hate being a paradox.
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