Skin problems

Wednesday, 22 March 2017, 8:52 p.m.

          Okay so this is a quick update about my skin condition right now. My skin is suddenly breaking out, for several reasons. First, I tried 3 new products after I stopped using DNARS day cream for sensitive skin. The reason I stopped buying it because it has harmful ingredients for our skin. So I bought the Garnier toner, I forgot the name because I already gave it to my friend, the colour of the bottle is yellow. It didn't suit my skin because the formula is milky, and my skin is oily. So whenever I apply it, my skin feels sticky and it's just plain disgusting, really. And the second product that I bought was Himalaya Almond and Cucumber Peel-Off Mask, also caused my skin to have a little reaction, small pimples here and there. And the third product was a face scrub from EverSoft. I'm not gonna assume that this was the cause of my acne breakout but it didn't help it become better either. I also read that apricot face scrubs are too harsh for your face, it might break the moisture barrier of your skin. That's probably it because my skin continued to freak out after that.

           After a few weeks, few cystic acne starts to come out. First, a few on my forehead. Then, my eyebrows got attacked with a bunch of em. Tragic. Hurts like hell too. And then this one week, last month to be exact, I started to over-consume cheese because my parents bought a lot haha (regretting it). I don't usually take dairy-based products because I don't like milk, they're nasty. I also don't usually eat dairy chocolate so my body totally freaked out after I consumed a lot of cheese. So, I tried a few products here and there.

          First I bought Aiken toner and moisturizer. I didn't really like the toner because IT FREAKING STINGS MY SMOL EYES. The moisturizer was okay, am still using it. Nothing really changed but it gives a decent moisture to my oily skin so that's good. Probably not gonna repurchase it though. And then I started consuming vitamin C, got it from Watsons, RM29.90 for 60 tablets. SOUR AF. But my black-ish scars are starting to fade slowly. Definitely going to repurchase. And then I stopped using D'Herbs' Papaya Soap because I think it's also doing no good for my skin. And I stopped washing my face for a while and I used honey as a face wash.

         So three days ago I bought a local drugstore face wash, called Safi Oxywhite. I wasn't planning on buying it though, I was just looking for a mild face wash since I feel disgusted for not washing my face. Icky. And then there's this promoter (old lady so I felt bad lol ignoring her), she was kinda pushing me to buy this face wash so i thought why not. It's for the oily and acne-prone skin formula. And after using for 3 days, the small bumps on my right side of my face is getting smaller. I don't see any changes on the cystic acne but I wasn't expecting anything either. I also bought a clay mask from Nana, a friend of mine. I do feel like the mask was doing a good job at removing extra sebum in my pores so thumbs up for that. So that's all. I'm just gonna finish these 3 products and probably do an update after 2 months. Bye bye

Wherever I go

Tuesday, 21st March 2017, 6:32 p.m.

           Hi!! I'm back again with another post. This is my second post for this year since nothing much happened to me lol sorry for being such a boring person. So I got my full STPM result, which was 3.17. I got A(4.0) for BM, A-(3.67) for History, B(3.0) for General Studies and C(2.0) for Business (booooo!!). It was okay I guess, but probably not good enough for the tough courses *cough* law *cough*. My results qualifies me to apply law at UiTM, UniSZA and UUM, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get a call because the I'm pretty sure there'll be a pretty tough competition with other students from all around Malaysia. Other than law, I also applied for English Linguistics and International Relationship. Some people looked down upon me because the courses that I applied wasn't prestigious enough I guess (also my result wasn't that great, at least not for them.)? But I'm not gonna let it mess with my decisions. I know what I'm doing for my own future, and I'm gonna shape it the way that I want it to be.

          Last week I went to Ipoh to visit my grandparents. To be frank, it was boring, but I'm glad that I was able to help my grandparents while I was there. Fourth day of staying in Ipoh, I couldn't take it anymore so I had to book an online bus ticket so I could go back to Temerloh on Saturday. I'm an ass, really. But I was really sad when I left. If I had someone to teman me there, I'd probably stay longer, honestly. Maybe next time I'll come with someone else and stay a little longer. Now I miss my hometown😭.

          Also, life has been hard on me lately. I don't really talk about it with people because I don't think anyone would truly understand, or care. I deal with it alone, I take lessons from it, I learn to control my thoughts and anger, and I strive to be a better person. But most of the time, I only cut people out of my life. I just couldn't deal with any nonsense anymore. I shouldnt do it, I should probably tolerate people more but it has been too much lately. Why dont I talk about it? Too personal, I guess. The more that I grow up, what I know is the only people that wouldn't leave my sorry ass is my family. I can't fake a smile, I suck at it the most. I dont take crap from people anymore and my life hasn't been better.

I don't know what to write about anymore because most of my thoughts are usually there but when I start to write they all disappear smh. Till next time!

A little update.

Tuesday, 24th January, 12.45 a.m.

          Hi. I decided to download a Blogger app on my phone for me to get easier access writing because I am terrible at it, obviously. I've decided to write it out here because it is easier than talking about it I guess. This is my first 2017 post and I have literally nothing to say because I've been a zombie in this house, lazing around having nothing to do. I started this habit of going to sleep late AND waking up late. It's terrible, I know. I'm trying to fix it by taking morning walks around the residential area but it has been raining crazily here. The Monsoon season is kind of fucked up, must be something related  to the global warming. The earth is getting old and wary. So I'll probably start my morning walk after the rain stops and the climate from hell comes.

          I'm getting my third semester's result this Thursday and I am totally freaked out by it. I have failed my Business papers for the last two semesters and I can't afford to fail another one because I can't repeat this one. Business has been makig my pointer drop because it is the ONLY paper that I did terribly along all these three semesters. I am forever regretting choosing Business over Geography. It makes no difference except for that I'm pretty sure I can do Geography better than Business. I miss school though. I miss my friends. The ones that I still talk to, and the ones that I don't. But I will never regret my decision for walking away from some people. It is for the best. 2016 has been a good year to me. Depressing, but also kind. I lost some people and I gained many. I just hope 2017 would be a little kinder and the adventures to be a little more exciting. I have more things to write but don't seem to remember the details for now. I am trying to update a little more so that I can go back and reread my own stories. Obviously I still suck at this. Till next time 🐘

Death

4.34 p.m., Friday, 27th August 2016.

           A very devastating event happened to me today. I have lost my baby cat, Comot's first kitten. We were rushing to go to the bank and pay for my dad's phone bills. When my mother reversed the car, we accidentally hit the baby cat. I have never experienced this before, this kind of sadness. Of course we've experienced our cats' death, but not like this. I can't stop crying because I was so shocked. We will usually check if there were any cats under the car, but we were too rushed to do that. I feel terrible, so terrible that I can't stop crying for the whole evening.

          However, while I was cleaning my front porch (while crying a river) I tried to remember  if I did anything wrong to the cat. I don't want him go while being upset with me, and that's when I learned a very important lesson in life. We don't have to wait for someone to be gone for us to realize our mistakes to them. We must remember people's kindness for us to keep treating them right, not counting their mistakes and to not take them for granted. How I wish I could turn back time and treat it better.

But death waits for nobody.

The One

7/2/2016, 7.07 a.m

Imagine something crazy for me, quickly.

What if you peered into a fortune ball right now – this very second, today – and saw with indisputable clarity that you were never going to meet the love of your life?

That’s a sad thing that I’m asking you to think of, I’m aware. You’ve been hoping to meet “The One” for a while now – or at least someone half-decent who you can deal with for the rest of your life. I know, I know. You’re not fanciful like everyone else. You don’t believe in soul mates. But you were expecting to meet someone you liked a fair amount. Someone to curl up next to at the end of a long day, who would take care of you when you got sick and listen to your stories every evening after work. We all hope that. We’re human.


But imagine for a second that you knew – with 100% certainty – that you were never going to meet that person. What about your life would that knowledge change?


Because here’s the thing about finding love – it affects us constantly. And we all loathe admitting it. But love is on the forefront of our actions even when it’s not on the forefront of our minds. It’s the reason you bought those new jeans last week. It’s the reason you went to that barbeque that you didn’t want to go to last weekend. It’s the reason you sometimes feel cripplingly insecure and inadequate and scared about everything that’s coming next. Love’s what inspires most of your greatest changes.

So if you knew, with indisputable certainty, that love was never going to be yours, how would you live your life differently? What about your daily routine would you alter? What about your long-term plans?

Your first inclination may be to say “Nothing.” After all, you’re a smart person. You have plans that don’t involve someone else’s influence. We all do. But ponder it a few moments more. Because here’s what we don’t want to admit about love: it is a crutch that we use all the time. The idea that someday somebody will love all our flaws is a subtle excuse not to work on them. The principle of two halves making a whole restrains us from becoming our own better half. We want someone to swoop in during our darkest hour and save us, but what if we knew they never would? We’d have to start doing everything differently.

If you knew that love would never be an option for you, what would be? How would you structure the rest of your life? Would it have a heavier focus on career, a stronger inclination toward success? Or would you use the time to invest in yourself – go on a few more vacations, travel further outside your comfort zone? If you knew that you would never again feel the rush of budding romance, where would you turn to for your thrills? How would you get your blood pumping?

And what about your other relationships – would they suddenly take on more weight? Would you spend more time appreciating your family, if you knew that they are the people who will have loved you the most strongly at the end of your life? What about your friendships? Would you nurture and care more for the people who love you platonically if you knew that nobody would ever love you romantically? Would you show up a little more often, share a little more of your life?

My inclination is to believe that never finding love would be a game-changer for most of us. One we’d initially consider to be devastating but may eventually realize is the ultimate liberation. Without the fear of ending up alone, the opportunities open to you would become endless. You could live on every continent. You could scale the corporate ladder. You could go back to school and get that degree you’ve always felt interested in, without worrying about the financial burden your debt may place on somebody else. Love holds us back in an infinite amount of subtle ways that perhaps we do not even realize. And the guarantee of its absence may just be the ultimate sense of liberation.

Because if we didn’t have to search for the love of our lives, we would finally be free to realize that we are allowed to be the loves of our own. That we can spend our lives developing ourselves, challenging ourselves, pampering ourselves and building ourselves up to be bigger, more capable people than we ever once hoped to become. We could become everything we’ve been searching for. We could construct our soul mates in ourselves.

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for. Live your life as if you are the love of it. Because that’s the only thing you know for sure – that through every triumph, every failure, every fear and every gain that you will ever experience until the day you die, you are going to be present. You are going to be the person who shows up to accept your rewards. You are going to be the person who holds your own hand when you’re broken. You are going to be the person who gets yourself up off the floor every time you get knocked down and if those things are not love-of-your-life qualities, I don’t know what are.

We have to start appreciating all that we bring to our own lives. Because the ironic truth is, you are most attractive when you’re not worried about who you’re attracting. When you’re living your life confidently, freely and without restraint, you emit the kind of energy that it just isn’t possible to fake. The kind of energy that’s capable of transforming not just your own life, but the lives of people around you.

So stop looking for The One to spend the rest of your life with. Be The One.

And let everybody else come searching for you.n

Read This If You’re Worried That You’ll
Never Find ‘The One’


By: Heidi Priebi in thoughtcatalog.com